Thursday, January 28, 2016

Surrounded by people but still alone..

I've joyfully found a part time job!! I've tried finding help the past two weeks for someone, anyone to help me once and awhile on Wednesdays. I need a place for Sophia & Alyssa to hang out for just 90 minutes. I couldn't find any child care (less than $40 anyway) so I've been asking around, hoping someone would step up for me the way I always try for everyone else. One mom I did ask, who I would call a friend, declined because Wednsdays were too busy, even to help once and awhile. Yesterday (Wednsday) the girls and I stopped into Ralphs after school and saw this particular mom. She had another one of our daughter's mutual friends with her. Was it just my girls she didn't want? I'm sure she cringed when she saw me. It hurt.

I've been here just a few months short of 3 years. I still don't have an established group of friends or even one close friend. There's no one I can call to meet for coffee or even call and talk to. Joe & Charlene just moved to Oceanside and I feel like that's effecting me more than I wish it were.

I realized when I left my whole life to start a new one, that my friendships would be left behind and I miss those very much. I'm so glad to be able to see them on Facebook and send the occasional text back and forth. I'm with my children every single day, my husband comes home to me every night, he's only home with us, never out, which I'm grateful for.  But I am still so lonely, some days I can barely stand it.

No comments: