Sunday, January 10, 2016

Serve until you can't serve no more.

I’ve been learning a lot about a Christian’s definition of love and utilizing it much in my marriage lately. I read that real love is not meant for happiness, it’s not a feeling. It's an action. Real love is service. But the more I process things, I find that this definition stands more true in parenting than even in marriage. Being a parent can be beautiful but let’s face it, it’s all about service. Service when your exhausted and under thanked. Service when you haven’t slept or have a to-do list that will never all be accomplished. It is service 365 days a year.

A few days ago, I had this week planned out. Sophia & Alyssa were going to spend the last week of their break at their father’s house. I was going to get to skip making 3 meals a day and save money on groceries. I planned dentist appointments, doctor’s appointments, and even an appointment at my school while they were going to be gone. Last minute, their dad decided not to take them. I’m not going to lie. I was looking forward to the rest, to no fighting or arguing. But as always, I’m happy they are home where they belong. But because they are here, I needed to go grocery shopping today before we started the week. As always, Ardel is at work, so that means dragging all 4 to the grocery store (and if you are a mom, you know how one feels about 4 kids in a grocery store). When the time was nearing to go, instead of , “Ok mom”, all I heard was whining, pushback, reasons why they should be able to stay. I lost it. 

Do they think I REALLY want to go to the grocery store? Did they think I was asking them to spend their money on groceries? Maybe they thought with the groceries we were buying, that THEY needed to cook 3 square meals a day for everyone AND clean the dishes and the kitchen afterwards. No, they didn’t misunderstand. They simply just didn’t want to go to the grocery store and were going to make sure that I knew it.  I blew my lid and told everyone we would not go to the store, nor would I be making dinner tonight (which I don't think I've ever done). They are now free to have all the peanut butter and ham sandwiches their little hands can make. I did already make them breakfast and a nice lunch, oh, and some homemade muffins for an afternoon snack, not that they even noticed. 

As my girls grow older and more selfish, they exhaust me more than my one-year old.  I am tired but I am a full-time parent. I’m not some side parent that has my kids into my home every few weeks and sends them on their way so I can get back to my responsibility-free lifestyle. I wouldn’t want to be that person for one minute. But I do hope that someday when my daughters grow up, they are able to see how much they were loved by me and their stepdad because they are able to see our acts of service.  

I wonder if any other moms feel this way?

No comments: