Monday, October 5, 2015

An open ended letter to my Friend,

To my dear friend who just told me she’s leaving her Husband,

I wish I could tell you not to go, that you are in it for life; good or bad, richer or poorer, death do you part. I wish I could say those things. The truth is, I don’t know what battles you’ve been facing. I don’t know what goes on behind the walls in your home. Do your kids go to bed crying at night because you are fighting? Does he not pay the bills or come home at night?

I wish I could tell you that I firmly believe you should stay no matter what, except, I  don’t. Truthfully, I was in a very bad marriage and no one really knew how bad until it was done, even I didn’t realize the spectrum of my misery or how dysfunctional it was until I had complete separation from it.

Had I stayed in that marriage, I truly wouldn’t know how a husband should act. (Did you know husbands are supposed to come home at a decent hour every night?)  I wouldn’t know what a happy home was or what a true marriage is, and most importantly, neither would my children. Like most, my marriage is not perfect. My husband is not perfect. We have marital problems like anyone else. However, our issues are manageable, honest, and real. I am content in good and bad. I can say that this is the man I’ve chosen, flaws and all, and is perfect for my daughters and I. He was meant to be a father and a husband. I understand how to let him lead, submit as God asks and just have faith in this beautiful life.

I think that divorce is sad and that the sin of divorce causes both man and wife to suffer and the kids suffer throughout the transition. I am in no way condoning or recommending you leave your husband, but I do understand.  Broken homes hurt and it pains God. But with that, broken homes also leave room for repair and growth into something beautiful and thriving. The way that life my life has intricately been woven together in the past few years, I cannot help but feel that it’s all been carefully planned for me. I have no regrets only a heart of gratefulness, eyes that truly appreciate, and the wish that every woman would get her happily ever after.