Friday, January 29, 2010

Fear

Fear is a paralyzing horrible thing. Yesterday at Bible Study, I got to hear a friend go up on stage and tell her story. She was so brave. What I took from it, was that fear is like telling God, "I don't trust you." That concept is unimaginable to me, but I too, am fearful and ultimately not trusting God. I went home and prayed and prayed. I'll tell you that my biggest fear is having to pull my kids from Crossroads Christian School and having to put them into public school.
This fear is real to me but also so irrational that I fear that more than loosing our home or anything else. This fear is about me. It's not about the public schools (after all, we live in Corona) we have some of the best public schools around. My fear is about protecting my girls and setting them on a course which wasn't set for me. I'm not naive. Realistically I know that sending our girls to private school doesn't guarantee a life without bumps or a perfect future. I don't believe the private school education to be superior to public. I do believe in what they are learning aside from the academics. I believe that learning to love and trust in our Lord at an early age will set them on path for life where they will be able to make good choices. They will know a love for Our Lord growing up, that I just didn't have. I know that I've heard this sooo many times, "But YOU can teach them all of that at home." Again, it's about me. I feel inept and inadequate to do so properly- end of story. I believe that instilling them with a love of Jesus and setting their life around that is the greatest gift that I could ever give to them.
I would also be lying if I said that the uniforms that are worn at CCS are not an added bonus to me. I remember what it was like to be in school - the uniforms are a great equalizer. If I can take one less thing that will cause them stress and peer pressure, I will do it. My whole life I struggled greatly with materialism. Kids are already strutting their seven jeans in elementary schools. If I can minimize what they are concerned with on the outside to help them be concerned with what is on the inside I will do it.
So that is my biggest fear. Being a mom to 3 daughters is a scary thing for me, especially remembering how hard it all was for me growing up. I'd like to give it to God. I know that I need to trust him more than that. I know that I need to remember that he loves my girls more than I ever could and wants an amazing life for them.

1 comment:

mrskgrimm said...

you are falling short thinking of yourself as inept and inadequate. God would not have given you 3 girls if you couldn't handle it! you are a woman raising women to love the Lord, and it's your ACTIONS that will speak to them, not your voice.