Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Upside down, but getting right side up!

For a little while I've been feeling upside down. Stretched too thin. Caring too much? Caring too little? Striving to be everything in every capacity. Looked to to go solve problems, overlooked by others. Chasing after an image of who you are supposed to be for the Lord. Trying to conform to this mold that you feel you should be, only find the hard truth of maybe that's just not who you are supposed to be after all. And maybe things feel hard when we push for what we want instead of what the Lord wants for us. Sometimes in order for the Lord to get us to move, it takes a shaking. When you do realize truth, it's as if a weight is being lifted from you, and you breathe again. The fleshly down size of that exchange of weight is to look in the mirror and not really know who you are anymore. When something is so apart of your identity, and what you thought to be in your future, you wonder how everyday life will function on without that "roll" in your life. You feel like you owe explanations to people, but you don't really have them. You feel as if you've abandoned some people and left them hanging, maybe that fight with God could've been wresteled through some more. You could have hung on much harder. You want to blame others but really, it's just The Lord's hand. You know he sees the big picture eventhough you do not. Feeling like it's an uncomfortable dream and you'll awake & things will go back to normal, but really just the start of new, though you have no idea of what that "new" will be.

For I know the plans I have for you; plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

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