Sunday, October 18, 2009

Anywhere but here.

Yesterday evening I got home from a much needed night away for Crossroads' Women's retreat in Dana Point. I was able to get away with friends and pray about the gaps in my life (1 day? Clearly not enough time to cover all the gaps in my life) It all went so fast, that I didn't even call home. I thought by 6pm last night, that I was excited to see my family. But as I walked in the door, even with a smiling 4 year old face running at me, I was not excited to be there. I also couldn't wait to see my baby who was already sleeping, but as I woke this morning, found myself tip-toing around upstairs, so I wouldn't wake her.

All in all, I'm just not ready to be mom yet, I'd like to be anywhere but here. I still need more vacation. I have been TIRED the past few weeks. Notably, with a big TIRED. I've been overwhelmed with Housework, homework, sick kids, kids fighting, a baby that never wants to be put down and most days no to little help. All leaving me so exausted that I no longer have time to take care of myself. No nail appointments, no time alone to even read it seems. I actually day dream about going to the gym just to be alone (Crazy right?). I day dream about having a housekeeper to lighten my load. I've been so busy that I don't even get out to see friends anymore. Maybe once a week? Doesn't sound like a big deal.. but mommies so need that support. I miss my best friends. I've had to decline almost every activitiy that I've been invited to. Two weeks in a row, I haven't even made it to bible study because of something going on with my kids. I'm stressed, I'm short with my kids, I have a stye in my eye, and I'm only sleeping about 6 hours a night because I have so much to do!

I'm asking this morning and will be praying in church for a revival of my spirit! For a big change in my heart! I'm praying for a big dose of the right attitude...knowing that children are a gift of God, as the Bible says in Psalm 127:3.
Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.”- Psalm 27:14 I will wait on this promise. They are all promises, you just have to listen quietly enough, and be open enough to receive them!


Annie Shafai said...

I know just what you are feeling Lorayne. Hang in there.

Lizzy said...

I know, I know, I know. You're not the only one. It'll be okay, just know you WILL one day, wish you were back at the very spot you're in. LOVE you!