Sunday, September 27, 2009

Is honesty the best policy? Really?

So for a couple years, I've really been working on transparancy. Being true to myself, being true to others and being very honest. For many many years, honesty in my life was not a priority. Little fib here, little white lie there, and most certainly how I really felt was tucked under the carpet. Maybe because I was afraid "my truths" were not good enough, or maybe even worried I might be judged? Relationships have been harmed because of this. I've spent many years repairing damage done, bridges broken, trying to mend even sometimes what seems unrepairable.

Now, I try and live my life with the utmost of transparancy and truth and it still seems like I'm in a hampster wheet trying to repair relationships that I can't seem to hold together. It is all a very fine line. I'm open about my marriage, 90% of the time, it's great.. but when it's bad, it's bad.. I'm open about our finances, they suck, but I've seen the Lord's hand working it. Friendships.. most are great, some require extra work. Being a mom, we have good and bad days, but I sure try my best. I'm open about my Faith.. I look to The Lord for my every answer. But because I, myself, am so imperfect, many of my actions are too, no matter how much guidance I seek. But point being, It's all open & out there for people to see. I notice the people who are like that, like me in that aspect, are the people who I am closest with. They are people who I just "get" the most. It's the people who are hard to find true depth with that I struggle the most to love in the way they need it. I guess no longer do well with "cosmetic" relationships but I'm also so stubborn that I refuse to give up on them, praying for more.

Is honesty always the best policy? I hope so. Do I exclude myself because of it a bit? Probably so. Does honesty always feel good in the end? Nope- not always.


mrskgrimm said...

there is so much scripture about being in the light, I'm sure you've read them. God definitely wants us to choose the light, however, it will pull and stretch our character in the process. and you're right, it's usually not a comfortable thing at all! but know the truth shall set you free!

great pic to go with your post too.

Lorayne, I enjoy reading your blog. you are a real person, and that's refreshing. keep it up.

Annie Shafai said...

You should go see the movie "The Invention of Lying". It gave me a lot to think about. It was much deeper than I was expecting the movie to be. Your post reminds me of it a bit.