Tuesday, August 25, 2009

A Fervent life

Last Sunday I can honestly say I learned a word that I had not heard before. Fervent. I understood it because of the context it was used, but none the less, I came home & looked it up:
1. having or showing great warmth or intensity of spirit, feeling, enthusiasm, etc.; ardent: a
fervent admirer; a fervent plea.
2. hot; burning; glowing.
A fervent love for our spouse, for our children, for the people in our lives is what we learned about. I think we all want to love like that.. enthusiastic love! But what about for our life? I have to say that in being able to find a word a definition to how I am trying to live my life is a relief.. I want to live that fervent life.

Today like some days, I'm feeling pretty exhausted. Not physical but mental. I have meeting dates, and ideas, prayers, goals all floating around in my head.. sometimes it feels like my brain is made of soup! Lots of places to be, lots of fun to be had with my kids.. oh wait, and housecleaning, cooking, & laundry. Sometimes, I sit back and say.. "gez.. I should just be satisfied to be a mom and a wife and not chase after so many other things (Admittedly, I could be better at both of those)" I'm exhausted, but I think that the Lord would have nothing less for me. With great faith comes great responsibility, right?. You feel a greater call to make better of your life. To live it to the fullest. You feel the calling to share it.

With the exhaustion, I can also say there is huge internal peace within me. I can honestly say that if I died tomorrow, I would be told, "Well, done good and faithful servant." No what if's... No regrets.. No I wish I... and there is so much peace in that. I wish that for everyone I love, not the longing for change or for it to be better, as some of my friends would have.

Am I juggling too much? Well, to some maybe.. but certainly over the past few years I've definitely been able to prune back & reprioritze (so yes, this is my life pruned back). I struggle every day to be more "Mary" and less "Martha".. to do it all the right way. I know that tired or not, where I am, is where I'm called to be. And if I'm called, I expect to be given the tools I need to get the job done, always having Philippians 4:13 in my mind.