Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Quit following me!

So, I have to admit, that there is an old me that I'm not too fond of but somehow in circles of new or old friends, it tends to rear it's ugly head around. So, I'll confess and lay it all out on the table. I've never been someone who was ever described as "oh, she's so nice", I was very clicky and didn't care too much about anyone other than my "circle", I was voted most likely to marry for money in HS pretty much because I was a bitch, I've been easy to walk away from friendships that are just too hard, My husband is the only man in my life who I've been faithful to or respected at all, and I've always struggled with materialism and still do.

Around 8 years ago, I made what you could call a "deal with God"... you give me or show this, this & this.. and I will become & do this, this, & this. Not at all ideal, certainly not how many relationships start... but it's how mine & the Lord's started. In some areas over the years I've grown & worked to be the person I am now. Not so much in other areas.. many parts of my life and the old me have been harder to let go of. But at least I can say, I know my faults, and boy do I try. Yet somehow in conversation, so much of this old me diggs up and the new me just becomes sick to think of things I've done, the way I lived my life, people I've burned, or the way I've behaved. Letting go of worldly things is one of my biggest vices. I sat very envious tonight of a girlfriends new Burberry bag. I actually stared at it at least for about 10 minutes throughout the night. I wish I could rewind two years back when we were still sitting pretty and in escrow for a 2.4 million dollar dream home. Again.. it's about letting go of worldly things.

I'm going to go to bed now.. going to pray for my family, pray for myself, and snuggle up to my husband all with a greatful heart.


Lizzy said...

It takes a lot of spiritual insight to admit to faulty actions...I know what you mean. The closer you get to God, the more you realize how wrong you've been.

I enjoyed reading your blog...


Pamee said...

I really do LIKE you... LOVE YOU!! The honesty is so what God wants... and it is just a blessing to SEE God move =)