Monday, February 23, 2009

No whispering today!!

So lately, I've spent a lot of time waiting on unanswered prayers and being in the hopes that I would be silent enough to hear God's whispers. But today I got a few loud-and-clear messages and it's only 1pm.

I went to M2M this morning & Pastor Chuck was speaking on leaving a legacy for your kids. One of the really cool things revealed to me is that he touched on bringing your children into missions; showing them just how blessed they are & how it infulences them. That confirmed what I was already feeling. Last week we requested & received applications from Jill to attend the Mexico missions trip in Sept. So I guess that's that. Also, I had a conversation with my friend Carrie which also confirmed for me something else that I've had on my heart as far as serving the next year in M2M.W00-Hoo!

But the most loud & clear was during discussion when my new friend, Taleah mentioned about teaching her kids to respect her husband. After about 2 minutes of hearing this back and forth my stomach turned into a knot. Yesterday, Bill & I exchanged some words where at the time, I didn't think it was "that bad" that my kids heard, but now in hindsight, I'm writhing at the whole thought of it. I was pretty mad. I was pretty disrespectful. I'm pretty sure I called him a name like idiot. And my kids heard it. How are they going to grow up to respect him if I'm not showing him any respect myself? This pains me, especially as I think about how nice he was to meet me at church this morning to drop off some cash to me & check our kids into childcare for me, all on his way to volunteer at Bella's class none-the-less. I sat there thinking about how he changed his schedule around all last week so that I could go out with my visiting friend Kim, 3 nights in a row. I thought about our discussion to get back into leadership next year & the time commitments it would require of him and he was 110% supportive. I thought about the two loads of dishes he did for me yesterday. I thought about how when he's home on the weekend, he puts the girls to bed every night and how he keeps all 3 of them happy & busy while I go off & get all the shopping & errands done. All WITHOUT complaint or question.

We've had our ups and downs but I see how very hard he's been trying to be a Godly husband. It all was screaming at me this morning and I still feel sick from the revelation. It's so hard to face forward when there is a big finger pointed at you. I'm really working on letting go of things in the past and just seeing him for who he is. I only hope he forgives me and from this point, I can be mindful and the best example of teaching my girls respect.


Pamee said...

GREAT post Lorayne!! I really LOVED the discussion on Monday!! AND I LOVE your honesty... YOU are truly AMAZING!!! I just LOVE YOU!! AND thrilled that I get to be in your group =)

Jo Jo said...

Hey Lorayne, I love your honesty! What a great post.