Thursday, January 15, 2009

Why be a Christian?

I was face-booking with a girlfriend about a former friend who I just cannot forgive. Writing the things I was thinking, I felt aweful that I could not drum up any forgiveness or understanding for this person. All I kept thinking & what my girlfriend was probably thinking.. was what an aweful Christian! Matthew 26:28 paints the best picture of what forgivness should be to a Christian and I'm widely aware of it. As my pastor said last weekend, being a christian doesn't mean you think you are perfect, if anything it makes you more aware of your imperfections.
But truth be told to my non-Christian friends (and you know who you are).. being a Christian is the hardest thing I've ever done. I have to admit; it's much easier to ignore than to dig in, it's much easier to yell at your kids & husband than grant them grace when they let you down, it's much easier to be a bit selfish than completely selfless, it's much easier to go with the flow as the world sees fit than choose the most unpopular of choices, what the bible says. My life was so much less complex 10 years ago when I was looking out for #1.
I ask for Grace & forgiveness every day from my Lord. I'm asking up or down, right or left, I'm asking for patience to the tenth degree. I'm asking for growth & knowledge every day. And most of all I'm saying thank you for this AMAZING life every day. I never imagined my life would be this great and more doors seem to open up every day. As far as forgiving those who need to be forgiven, they probably could care less that I don't forgive them.. right now I'm on a long list, and I'm the very least important on that list. I hope that this person finds the Lord and seeks forgiveness and change there first.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

I want to run down the street ..

And not come back.. for at least a few hours... I'm finally sitting to what was the longest day. It started off normal overall. I enjoyed a great 9:30am breakfast w/ my girlfriends Jamie & Kathy but somehow I didn't make it home with the kiddos until 5pm tonight. Today, I made several trips to Crossroads, to the grocery store, several food places, listened to my insufferable children refuse their dinner yet another night, tried picking mounds of glitter off of scalps (thanks Anita), fit in a glass of wine with friends, helped my oldest with her Penguin report, AND again for the second day revived my middle daughter after holding her breath until she passed out (didn't actually think kids did that did you?)
I'm quite often made fun of for keeping my kids on a schedule the way I usually do. The day usually tends to be pretty structured, the girls expect the same thing every evening followed by an early bedtime. Today, we didn't follow it, and we all suffered. Point blank, if you don't run your kids on a schedule, you are a damn fool.. no wonder you are stressed and miserable (and you know who you are). I have full confidence that tomorrow, I will be the world's best mom and do everything right. Tonight however, I'm throwing in the towel & will have another glass of wine

Monday, January 5, 2009

Mommy, what are we going to do this year?

Mommy, what are we going to do this year?
Happy New Year! Well, I think it's 5 days into the new year, but that's me now... late on everything, which I hate. New Years day, my 3-yr old asked me, "Mommy, what are we doing this year?" (I think she meant day as she asks me EVERY morning!) my response was, "duh, lots of things honey". Truth be told, I have no idea what is in store for us this year.One year ago, we were expecting a new baby girl. Alyssa is now here. We were still trying to move to S. Corona and I personally was still hoping on getting our Versante Circle place (or at least our deposit back). We didn't get our house, or our money back (yet), but we moved into a beautiful home nevertheless. I was still coordinating with M2M @ Crossroads. We were expecting our income to go back to normal after a very rough 2007. It only got worse in 2008!
There are a million things that I am really praying about for 2009. Should I go back to school this year? Should I get back involved with the M2M ministry @ Crossroads? Will we get our deposit back on that devil house? Will this be the year that we have the means to open up our Little Gym franchise or will someone want to buy it? Will we have that 4th child that Bill is pressing for? Or should we look into adoption or fostering this year? Will Bill get another book deal & will he have the time to go back to school?I'll sit silently & listen to what direction God will point us to. I'll look forward to Isabella moving from Kindergarten to First grade at Crossroads. I'll enjoy Sophia just being a preschooler, and watch Alyssa take her first steps.